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Betrayals, Insults, and Eugene Levy: The Depressing World Of The Philips CDi

Mystic Midway: Phantom Express The Philips CDi has become somewhat of a curious piece of technology.  Until recently most gamers had never heard of the 1990s would-be game console, but some horrifying Zelda animations and word of a lost Super Mario game changed that.  Now people want to know just what this CDi thing was all about and what games were available for it.  The rest of the CDi library can't be as bad as those Zelda games, right? has a look back at the best and worst of the CDi family, covering everything from a wretched miniature golf game featuring Eugene Levy to a "nightmare simulator" that makes you question your worth as a human being.  These truly are games from the alternate universe.  Take a look at the CDi library and, like me, you'll find yourself wondering just who could possibly believe that these games could have been fun or profitable enough to keep a game console division afloat.

Take the first stage [of Mystic Midway: Phantom Express], which has you shooting childhood fears like safety pins and leaky diapers. Throughout the entire level, you'll hear babies crying, the off-key singing of nursery songs, and a woman yelling things like, "I never wanted children! YOU were the one who wanted children!" This continues on for many stages, culminating with the "old-age" level, which ends with your family telling you they don't love you, and that they can't wait for you to die. What a fun game!

And Philips wondered why the CDi left a smoking crater in their revenues, eh?  The article implies that the CDi is starting to become the next big hot thing in the world of collecting retro video game equipment, but I can't see myself (or anyone else, for that matter) running off to eBay with visions of a digital Eugene Levy dancing in my hopes and dreams.  I love retro stuff as much as the next gamer, but even I have limits.