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Uwe Boll Offered Metal Gear Solid: The Movie

Uwe BollUPDATE: "Absolutely not."

It's truly a sad day in the world of video games when the owner of the Metal Gear franchise, Konami, in all its infinite wisdom and passion to create a movie based on the series, makes the horrible mistake of offering the job of director to Uwe Boll.  Yes, the Uwe Boll, the man behind the game-based film travesties such as Bloodrayne, House of the Dead, and Alone in the Dark that have all been converted in efficient German style to movie dreck.  1UP confirms that the director is currently reading the script.  Rather than just quote a paragraph, I'd like to correct some of the little factual errors that somehow crept into their take on the situation.  Watch for my corrections in the traditional red ink.

1UP confirmed with the director today that [Boll's] been reading a Metal Gear Solid script commissioned by Konami to an unnamed writer. Boll wasn't able to provide any details because he's too busy preparing to destroy more beloved game franchises with terrible films, so it's unconfirmed whether Konami's aiming for a straight adaptation of the game series or an original adventure, but he did confirm the film's only in the script stage, so there's still time for Konami to come to its senses.

As of this writing, Konami representatives couldn't be reached to confirm any details about a possible Metal Gear Solid film because they all fled in horror when they heard that Boll could become attached to the project, but it'd be incredibly bold for Boll to start spouting lies about a script, and we all know the man can't create well-done fiction.

Konami, please, for the love of Kojima, do not hire Uwe Boll to direct this movie.  The man has proven time and again that he cannot create an entertaining game-based movie.  Don't be dazzled by his list of credits that include a bunch of game-based movies.  Don't be tempted by his ability to finance the movie himself.  Please, go rent some of his films and watch them before making any decisions that we'll all regret.