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Choosing The Next Censorship Target

BirdoNow that those who sought to censor Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas have won their battle, it's time for them to choose a new target on which to focus their efforts and venom.  It's been a good month for Hillary Clinton, Jack Thompson, and their friends as not only did they get the ESRB to revoke San Andreas's rating, but cop-killing game 25 To Life has been delayed into the next financial quarter.  So, who's next on the chopping block?  Here's a few games that could use the stern loving hand of government censorship.

  • Sonic the Hedgehog titles advocate stealing shiny gems and golden rings.
  • Super Mario Bros. titles encourage stomping on turtles, a very serious charge of animal abuse.
  • Resident Evil 4 allows players to engage in religious persecution.
  • The games of the Kirby series inspire children to overeat, leading to our nation's epidemic of obese youth.
  • Metroid games involve the forced eradication of an entire species.  Finish the game quickly to see heroine Samus Aran clad only in her lingerie.
  • F-Zero GX conditions teenagers to drive recklessly fast through futuristic environments.
  • Birdo of Super Mario Bros. 2 fame is a transsexual and "her" boyfriend Yoshi is always naked.
  • Speaking of Yoshi, the Fuzzies of Yoshi's Island cause whomever touches them to go on an LSD-like trip, thus making illegal drugs seem enticing.
  • After Microsoft acquired Rare the developer only released one game for the Xbox in three years: Grabbed By The Ghoulies.  This isn't a moral outrage, but I figure that if the government wants to investigate video games, they should at least investigate something that, in the end, could benefit gamers.