Now that those who sought to censor Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas have won their battle, it's time for them to choose a new target on which to focus their efforts and venom. It's been a good month for Hillary Clinton, Jack Thompson, and their friends as not only did they get the ESRB to revoke San Andreas's rating, but cop-killing game 25 To Life has been delayed into the next financial quarter. So, who's next on the chopping block? Here's a few games that could use the stern loving hand of government censorship.
- Sonic the Hedgehog titles advocate stealing shiny gems and golden rings.
- Super Mario Bros. titles encourage stomping on turtles, a very serious charge of animal abuse.
- Resident Evil 4 allows players to engage in religious persecution.
- The games of the Kirby series inspire children to overeat, leading to our nation's epidemic of obese youth.
- Metroid games involve the forced eradication of an entire species. Finish the game quickly to see heroine Samus Aran clad only in her lingerie.
- F-Zero GX conditions teenagers to drive recklessly fast through futuristic environments.
- Birdo of Super Mario Bros. 2 fame is a transsexual and "her" boyfriend Yoshi is always naked.
- Speaking of Yoshi, the Fuzzies of Yoshi's Island cause whomever touches them to go on an LSD-like trip, thus making illegal drugs seem enticing.
- After Microsoft acquired Rare the developer only released one game for the Xbox in three years: Grabbed By The Ghoulies. This isn't a moral outrage, but I figure that if the government wants to investigate video games, they should at least investigate something that, in the end, could benefit gamers.