After Nintendo released Super Mario Kart in 1993, publishers around the world took a spin through Mario Circuit 1 and said (in unison, I bet) "Me too!", giving rise to a new genre destined to be milked dry: the mascot kart racer. Characters such as Crash Bandicoot, Jak, Mega Man, and even Banjo would go on to star in their own racing titles over the years, but not every race has a winner. Topless Robot takes a look back at ten of the most baffling kart racers to come along over the years. Did you know that Woody Woodpecker once toplined his own Konami-published racing game for the Sony PlayStation, Sega Dreamcast, Game Boy Color, and PC?
To be even remotely fun, racing games require proper controls to simulate performance steering on all kinds of terrain. This kart incarnation of the smart-ass Woodpecker's animated adventures just flat-out doesn't have it, leaving painfully jerky gameplay to instigate as much rage as Woody's maddening guffaw. Adding injury to insult, the characters are animated in the rich spirit of gross overcompensation. Each driver's head warbles dramatically from side to side through turns, resulting in vicarious player whiplash. The graphics are also second rate (even for a rushed 2001 PC game), resulting in a sad experience for everyone involved, much like a woodpecker hitting a nail.
All of your favorite has-been characters make an appearance on the list, plus a few franchises that really should have known better than to star in a quick cash-in kart racer. Is there really a modern audience for a racing game starring the Smurfs? Or the Muppets? Or third-string Disney characters such as Ned Shredbetter? If you want to know where aging franchises go to die, look no further than the cheaply produced, poor quality kart racer genre.
