Nintendo Q1 2009 Lineup Is Pathetic

I know that the talented folks over at Nintendo have been preoccupied with counting money lately, but someone needs to get the quality control department back on the job to crack down on the pitiful shovelware that makes up the recently announced January - March 2009 lineup for the Nintendo Wii and DS systems.  I think Wired's Chris Kohler has said it best:

After a thoroughly disappointing holiday release lineup, Nintendo has pulled back the curtain on its early 2009 release schedule for Wii, and as it turns out there was nothing behind that curtain, either.

As it stands right now, the entirety of the company's first-quarter game release schedule is comprised of the upgraded ports of the GameCube games Pikmin and Mario Power Tennis. So if you were hoping for Disaster, or Fatal Frame, or really any new Wii game, you're SOL for another three months.

Don't get me wrong -- I think we can all agree that playing Pikmin in widescreen with pointer controls is potentially awesome. But the "New Play Control!" series, as the games are being called in North America, was a good idea when it was used to supplement Wii's catalog, not serve as the entire damn thing.

So I read that and said to myself that it can't be all bad.  Surely there's a gem or three on the list mixed in with the shovelware and games for the kiddies.  Then I started reading the actual list and made myself sad.  Well, after I finished making sarcastic comments, anyways. 

Wii

Activision
Monsters vs. Aliens - March 24

Crave Entertainment
Monster Pals™ - March
Solitaire & Mahjong - February
Puzzle Challenges and More! - February
Crayola Colorful World - March

D3Publisher
Onechanbara™ Bikini Zombie Slayers™ - February
Coraline - January

Destineer
WordJong Party - January
Battle Rage - February

Assuming that's a fighting game, it's the most generic title for one I've ever seen.  And this is coming from someone who has fought in the streets and kombated mortals.

Cradle of Rome - February
Cate West: The Vanishing Files - March

Didn't this used to be on CBS Sundays at 9:00 right after Murder, She Wrote?

Burger Island - March

Lost's secret spin-off, no doubt.

Disney Interactive Studios
Disney Sing It: High School Musical 3: Senior Year - Winter

DreamCatcher
Play the World - March

Not with the Wii's poor online multiplayer infrastructure.

Electronic Arts
NASCAR® Kart Racing - Feb. 10
SimAnimals™ - Jan. 27
TRIVIAL PURSUIT - Early spring

Hudson Entertainment
FISHING MASTER WORLD TOUR - Jan. 6

I saw Fishing Master when they were in Tampa a few years ago.  The lead singer has aged terribly.

Marble Saga Kororinpa™ - Spring

Konami Digital Entertainment, Inc.
DanceDanceRevolution® Disney Grooves - March

Majesco Entertainment
Escape the Museum - January
Major Minor's Majestic March - March

Marvelous Entertainment USA
Little King's Story - Feb. 17
Rune Factory: Frontier - March

Mastiff
Deer Drive™ - Jan. 20

NAMCO BANDAI Games America Inc.
We Ski™ and Snowboard - March

Not if we can help it.

Nintendo
New Play Control! Mario Power Tennis™ - March
New Play Control! Pikmin™ - March

We in the gaming journalism world complain about the lack of substance on this list now, but we'll go above and beyond to push Pikmin's return engagement in a few months.  I see it coming.

Sega
The House of The Dead: Overkill™ - February
SONIC™ and the Black Knight - March
MADWORLD™ - March

What kind of bizarro world did I wake up in this morning where modern day Sega is our sole best hope for interesting Wii titles next quarter?

Southpeak Interactive
Roogoo Twisted Towers™ - Feb. 17
Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball™ - March 17
Brave: A Warrior's Tale™ - Feb. 17

THQ
Paws & Claws Pet Resort - Jan. 5
Neighborhood Games - Jan. 5

Ubisoft
Tenchu™: Shadow Assassins - February
Broken Sword™: Shadows of the Templars (Director's Cut) - March

Featuring graphic violence and full frontal nudity too shocking to include in the original game.

XS Games
Super PickUps™ - Q1

If there's any justice in this world, Super PickUps is a one night stand simulator.

Nintendo DS

Activision
Monsters vs. Aliens - March 24
Pimp My Ride 2™ - March 24
Animal Planet™ - March 10

Atlus U.S.A., Inc.
My World, My Way™ - Feb. 3
Legacy of Ys™: Books I & II - Feb. 10
Trackmania™ DS - March 17

Crave Entertainment
Monster Pals ™ - March

D3Publisher of America
Puzzle Quest™: Galactrix™ - Q1
Coraline - January

Destineer
USA TODAY Puzzle Craze - January
DinoPets - March

Disney Interactive Studios
Phineas and Ferb - Winter

DreamCatcher
Inkheart - January
Learn Math - January
Drivers' Ed Portable - January
Monster Band - January
Zoo Quest - February
My Personal Diary - February
Music Star: Pop Star - February
Paint by DS - March
Matchstick - March
Dreamer: Top Model - March
Sarah - Keeper of the Unicorn - March
Learn Chess - March
Dragon Master - April

Wow, someone at DreamCatcher was busy this month.

Electronic Arts
Zubo™ - March
Henry Hatsworth in the Puzzling Adventure™ - Q1
SimAnimals™ - Jan. 27

Empire Interactive
Jagged Alliance - Feb. 17

Gameloft
American Popstar - Road to Celebrity - March 9

Konami Digital Entertainment, Inc.
Elebits: The Adventures of Kai and Zero™ - Q1
Suikoden Tierkreis - Q1

Gesundheit.

Little Magician's Magic Adventure™ - Q1

Majesco Entertainment
WonderWorld Amusement Park™ - January
Powerbike - January
Our House™ - Q1

Is a very, very, very fine house, I bet.

Hot 'n' Cold - March

This is the sequel to 2006's sleeper hit, Damp 'n' Moist.

Marvelous Entertainment USA
Avalon Code - February
Flower, Sun, and Rain - March

Now they're just grouping random words together.

Mastiff
Moon™ - Jan. 13

Little known fact: this game is rated M and the title is a verb.

MumboJumbo
Chicken Hunter Star Karts - March 10

Sorry, I call no way on that one. 

Nintendo
Personal Trainer™: Math - Jan. 12
Fire Emblem™: Shadow Dragon - Feb. 16
Pokémon™ Platinum version - March 22

ROCKSTAR GAMES
Grand Theft Auto™: Chinatown Wars - Winter

Either this one is misplaced or, judging by the company it's keeping, the next Grand Theft Auto game is a fashion simulator where babies sing songs about animals to solve basic puzzles.

Southpeak Interactive
Big Bang Mini® - Jan. 6
Roogoo Attack™ - Feb. 17
Brave: Shaman's Challenge™ - Feb. 17

Square Enix, Inc.
FINAL FANTASY® CRYSTAL CHRONICLES®: Echoes of Time™ - Spring

THE GAME FACTORY
WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP GAMES™ - Jan. 19

THQ
Paws & Claws Pampered Pets - Jan. 5

TOMY Corporation
My DoItAll™ - February

Ubisoft
Jake Power Fireman - January

I need more punctuation for this one.  Is it Jake: Power Fireman or Jake Power: Fireman? 

Jake Power Policeman - January
Imagine™ Cheerleader - February

Again, if there's any justice in the world, this is a one night stand simulator.

JoJo's Fashion Show - February

So is this one.

Petz® Horseshoe Ranch - February

So is... no, never mind.

Imagine™ Family Doctor - February
Imagine™ Ice Champions - March

I'm not so sure that an ex-girlfriend simulator will sell very well.

Jake Power Handyman - March

Finish the trilogy!

My Fashion Studio Paris Collection - Feb. 17
American Popstar - Road to Celebrity - March 24
Broken Sword™: Shadows of the Templars (Director's Cut) - March

XSEED Games
Retro Game Challenge - February

Remind me to hug my Sony PlayStation 3 when I get home this evening.  It's times like these that we really need to think about how much we care about and rely on our loved ones for support.  First quarter is usually quiet over at Nintendo so it wasn't like I expected the likes of F-Zero or Star Fox to just suddenly appear, but I was expecting something more than, well, this.  The Wii and DS are capable of much more than what we see on this forlorn list.